Remember that feeling when you first met your spouse? It seemed as if the universe itself wanted you to be together. Every song on the radio reminded you of them. There was that amazing moment when you realized that both of you liked the exact same TV show. How could that be a coincidence? It couldn't. It was obviously love -- true, perfect undying love.

Now remember when you woke up this morning next to that same spouse and tried to calculate the odds you'd get caught if you smothered them with the pillow? 

That's what relationships are like. They start full of magic and promise and they drift into contempt and homicide.

Food companies know what that's like. Two brands meet, fall in love, and expect to do business together until death do they part. 

But it doesn't happen that way.

Here are four of the biggest food divorces we've noted recently:

1. KRAFT AND STARBUCKS
What they tried: Grocery store distribution for Starbucks' coffee

Pity poor Kraft Foods, which was seduced by that West Coast coffee house with its flannel shirts and talk of understanding Generation X and the Millennials. Kraft didn't stand a chance against such Seattle-style seduction. So when the coffee company whispered in Kraft's ear that it wanted .... needed ... a distribution partner like them to get placement on supermarket shelves, Kraft just couldn't say no.

The relationship ended, as they often do, with a series of accusations in a courtroom.

But this story has a happy ending. When the divorce was final, Kraft found a new partner...someone more old school and Midwestern, someone less into grunge music and more into the oldies, someone who thinks coffee is a drink, not a religious ritual -- McDonald's. And you can see them together now at your local grocery store.

2. COKE AND COSTCO
What they tried: Hotdog combo exclusivity

Years ago we had a friend who divorced his wife and then married a woman who looked exactly like her. That would have been weird enough, but he took to referring to his ex as "that ugly woman." To this day the hair on the back of our neck stands up whenever we think about it.

The divorce of Costco and Coke reminds us of that guy. Costco had signed a deal in which it teamed Coke with a hot dog at the food courts in its 400 locations. The Coke and a hot dog thing was a big deal. If you ever went to Costco, you probably had the combo. They only cost $1.50. In fact, they've only cost $1.50 for 27 years!

Then, one day, Costco announced it was dumping Coke and would sell a new Pepsi and a hot dog combo.

As strange as the break-up seemed, it was predicable. A few years earlier Costco had dumped Hebrew National hot dogs from that same combo, and replaced them with Costco's own Kirkland Signature brand.

No doubt some day soon Pepsi will get the boot too and we'll all be asked to buy a hot dog and a Costo-Cola combo. 

3. PAULA DEEN AND SMITHFIELD
What they tried: Deen-branded food products

The rule in marriage is that people stay together until death do they part, although there are some widely accepted exceptions to that rule. Infidelity, for example, is seen by most cultures and most people as a good reason to pack your bags.

It's like that in food marriages too. In a food marriage you're expected to stay together except in a handful of rare circumstances -- like when your partner is outed as a racist.

That's how Smithfield Foods wound up dumping celebrity chef Paula Deen.

Smithfield, a company that was founded in 1936 in Virginia, which was a long time ago in the state that once housed the capital of the Confederacy, was positively shocked to find that someone it did business with would use a racial slur.

So when court documents showed that Deen had used the N-word, Smithfield expressed dismay and walked away from its partner in pork promotions. 

And just like in a people divorce, the friends of the divorcing companies wound up having to take sides. The Food Network and Wal-Mart stayed friends with Smithfield. Celebrity Cruises sided with Deen.

4. HEINZ AND MCDONALD'S
What they tried: Decades of ketchup for fast food's most famous fries

The recent split between Heinz and McDonald's feels like a B-movie about medieval court intrigue. It's a tale of cheating ... with your spouse's mortal enemy! It's a story of a king .... a Burger King, actually ... who breaches the castle walls. And there's blood. Lots and lots of blood.

Actually, it's ketchup. Not blood.

But you get the idea.

McDonald's signs a partnership with Heinz ketchup and things go along swimmingly for a long time. Tiny Heinz ketchup packages spread throughout the land. Then, one dark day, Heinz is taken over by someone called the Sage of Omaha, who turns out to be an ally of the treacherous Burger King. Swords are drawn. Drawbridges are raised. Catapults are ... catapulted, or whatever.

And love dies.

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